Welcome to Rock N' Fuckin' Roll. This page contains content that may be considered offensive by some people, so if you can't handle that kind of stuff (or if you're under 18), click the "back" button on your browser right now. If you don't like naughty words, wicked heavy metal bands, nekkid ladies, or dirty jokes, just remember that the Bill of Rights guarantees the right of free speech; it does not grant you the right not to be offended.

"Rock n' Roll, dy-no-mite
Party all day, party all night
Rock n' Roll, it's a sex machine
Rock n' Roll do you know what I mean?
Rock n' Roll Party Town, Rock n' Roll gonna party down
Rock n' Roll Party Town
She's a rock n' roller, she's a party stroller
Rock n' Fuckin' Roll, uh huh, uh huh, yeah!
Hey there girl, do you like my big dick?
Hey there baby, suck it till it gets real thick"
-from GWAR's "Rock 'n Roll Party Town"

March 29 , 2000

Woo-hoo, welcome to my new page. I hope you like it. I've had some half-assed pages up for the past couple of years, but now I'm trying to integrate everything together and finish the stuff that's incomplete. Right now the only thing that's done is this main page; everything either links back to the old shit or doesn't work yet. But it's getting there.

I'm currently learning Dreamweaver and Flash, so I plan on integrating new features as I learn them. I've only used Dreamweaver to create one other web page so far, so this is my second attempt. When I put together my first web page, the W.A.S.P. Nest, around five years ago I was doing everything in a text editor. Even now I still find myself jumping into text mode once in a while if I can't figure out how to do something, but Dreamweaver is the shit.

GWAR... Your favorite Antarctican rock gods are here to lay waste to this barren culture of hypocrisy and shame. And to smoke a few bowls of crack. Look here for my archive of biographies, pictures, lyrics, mp3's, articles, reviews, and bootleg videotapes.

"I haunt the malls and the Burger Kings, I am the giver of pain
Splitting the rumps of the wicked, only their nipples remain
The cherub screams "no" as I move to defile
Our bodies entwine in a puddle of bile
Many years later we'll look back and smile
As we thrash around on the urine drenched tile
Delivery room is still as a tomb
I fuck the child while it's still in the womb
The child is now dead, you start to blubber
Fuck your warm corpse with you child as a rubber
Take your fat tongue, ram it up her bung
Her face is packed with cum, we've only just begun
From your head your eyes I pluck, give you savage socket fuck
Work my wand of black obsidian, end up like a Branch Davidian"
- GWAR "Baby Dick Fuck"

W.A.S.P. are the band that put shock rock back on the map in the mid eighties. Not only did they have a bloodthristy stage extravaganza, they actually had great songs that transcended the hair metal schenanigans of their contemporaries. And they're still going strong eighteen years later.

I got pictures of naked ladies lying on the bed
I whiff the smell and a sweet convulsion
Starts a swelling inside my head
I'm making artificial lovers for free
I start to howl I'm in heat
I moan and growl and the hunt drives me crazy
I fuck like a beast
I come around, round, I come feel your love
I'm an animal
Tie you down, down, I come steal your love
I'm an animal
- W.A.S.P. "Animal (Fuck Like A Beast)"

Here you can look at my collection of dirty jokes and cartoons. Here's an couple of examples:

A woman goes into a grocery store to shop for vegetables to make dinner with. She goes to the potatoes and starts examining them to find some suitable ones. She holds two of them up and remarks to the woman next to her, "These potatoes remind me of my husband's testicles."

Suprised, the other woman asks "Are they that big?"

"No," the first woman says, "they're that dirty."

---

What do Courtney Love and Wayne Gretzkey have in common? They both shower after three periods.

What's the difference between Courtney Love's pussy and a bowling ball? You could eat the bowling ball if you had to.

Death Piggy is the band that GWAR was before GWAR was GWAR. They started out as a Richmond Virginia band in the mid eighties and incorporated bizarre performance art into their act along with their twistedly unique brand of punk rock. After hooking up with a group of film school students they shared rehearsal space with, they began their transformation into GWAR.

"Every girl in the neighborhood knows
All the girls are taking off their clothes
Boner!
B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b
You know he's go so many women
You know he's got fifty women
You know he's coming
He's coming to town
And when he gets there
He's gonna fuck you"
- Death Piggy "Boner"

Don't you hate reading the reviews in Rolling Stone or Spin or any of those mainstream magazines? It seems that they only review big name major label releases or obscure independent acts that only a critic could love. They make snide comments about the bands you actually listen to, and then throw in fancy phrases like "sturm und drang" that nobody actually uses in conversation. Nobody except other music critics, that is. This is because they want to reassure you that they are more intellectual than you. Their ivy league opinions are more important than your pedestrian tastes in music. That's why they get paid to write for a big music magazine.

I know that my opinion isn't any more important than yours. The only difference is I'm the one writing this web page, and hopefully I might turn you on to something you might never have heard otherwise.

If you don't know what Flash is, then you've been living in a cave for the last year. A cave without internet access, that is. Flash is Macromedia's popular vector animation software that allows ordinary folks like you and me to make some pretty impressive shit.

This is where I'll post any Flash movies that I make. In my first one, Devil's Playthings, you get to amuse Master Baetzalot, a sex-crazed devil from the backwaters of hell. Look for this site to use more Flash as I get better at it.

To get a good idea of what can be done with Flash, I strongly recommend you check out Tom Fulp's excellent Newgrounds. Tom himself is pushing the limits of what can be done with Flash, and he also has a page called The Portal where there are hundreds of fan made movies ranging from brilliant to god-awful.

No sex yet.

You know what they say... opinions are like assholes- everybody's got one. Here's mine. No, not that, my opinion.

I'm sick of being told told that everything has to be black or white. Good or evil. Right or wrong. Christian or atheist. Republican or Democrat. NRA or gun control. Pro-life or pro-choice. Bush or Gore. Why the hell are we only given two choices?

Life is never black or white. It's a billion shades of grey. Why shouldn't we be given numerous choices? Actually, many of the choices are out there if you look for them.

Like I said, these are just my opinions (and some selected others that I also think are thought provoking). I don't ask that you agree with me, just to think for yourself.

I spent four years going to college working on a Bachelor Of Fine Arts degree before I realized fine art is bullshit. It doesn't matter if it's any good or not as long as you can babble at length about its deep meaning or at least blow your professor. If you paint a square canvas red and say "umm... it's a red square" it's a piece of shit. But if you paint that same canvas red and say "it's a celebration of the elegant simplicity of the neo-minimalist movement" you've got art! That's why I gave up on fine art and got my degree in graphic design instead.

But I still enjoy drawing pictures of monsters and women and stuff (the same kind of juvenile crap I drew in high school) as well as manipulating images in Photoshop and other programs. This is where I'll put some of that kind of stuff up for you to laugh at. T

This is the place to go if you want to trade tapes or CDR's with me. I've been taping hard rock and heavy metal off of MTV and other shows for the last fifteen years and I have hundreds of music videos, interview, and specials in my collection. I also have dozens of bootleg videos (lots of KISS, W.A.S.P., GWAR, and Marilyn Manson, among others), too. And I have tons of demos, unreleased songs, and rare tracks from all of your favorite metal bands, and I can trade them on CDR (in disk-at-once mode, so there's no annoying two second gaps between each song).

Don't have anything to trade? I'll sell you tapes/CD's for:

1 tape/CDR $10	2 tapes/CDR $18	3 tapes/CDR $25
4 tapes/CDR $32	5 tapes/CDR $40	each extra $6